i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
