so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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