I wish my penis had an off switch
i just wanna soil my oats bro
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
