please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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