Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
