Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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