You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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