she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I want her autograph on my taint
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
