He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
