the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
