airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
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