Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
