I wish I could punch you in the face.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
