I'm sorry my penis didn't work
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
