Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
