"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Actions speak louder than pants.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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