yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
