I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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