i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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