We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
