i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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