I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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