I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
