Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
