so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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