did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
