i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
