dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
