Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I need water and some morals
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
