sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
