I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
