i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
