Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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