I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
