i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Randomize
