if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
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