just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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