omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
