Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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