We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
is wine microwaveable?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Randomize
