Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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