Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
