I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
