I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
