This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
