its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
