They should really pass out barf bags in church
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
