In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
