matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Randomize
