So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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