He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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