Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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